The Hungry Barbarian

So I haven’t eaten yet today, so naturally I’m a bit excited for dinner.  I’ve cooked up something called shellfish soup.  The recipe is:

2 conch
A half dozen mussels
1 spider crab, 1 rock crab
A bundle of Irish moss:

Dandelions

Sea Lettuce

Here it is cooking away.  Only an Italian could think of this set-up:

As a kid I remember my grandmother cooking conch in her house.  Actually what I remember is the smell of it.  Every nook and cranny every door, wall, floor, room, and article of clothing were permeated with the foulest odor imaginable.  No joke it was so bad that when she would make it for my grandfather I used to walk around the house with a mask and snorkel on.  This was just me being an over-dramatic child though right?  

I have video of me eating conch which I’m hoping to get up tomorrow.  Let’s just say it didn’t go too well.  It’s like biting into a giant rubber band.  Likely I didn’t cook it enough, only an hour and a half instead of the required 50.  I couldn’t finish it, which shows where my mind is at.  I’m not hungry enough yet.  I’ll try again tomorrow though.

The crabs on the other hand were quite good.  I don’t like shellfish, but they were sweet and tasty, even the foul looking spider crab.  A welcome change from rubber or my previous meal of nothing at all.  

I did however do this while trying to tear them apart, shows you how often I eat crab:

Yes, very ouch.

The mussels were grainy, but they worked and the Irish Moss was a bit tough, but edible.  I have pine needle to steep in water for tea to start my morning tomorrow (courtesy of Bear Grylls), so that should be a welcome change from plain water.

Well the sun is going down and the bugs are starting to come out which means I need to duck into my tent before they chew me up alive.  It appears I’m a part of the ecosystem now, rather than just being a visitor.  I look forward to a good night’s sleep as I’m quite beat, but I have a feeling the raccoons are going to keep me up all night picking over my leftovers.  Hopefully in my sleepy daze I remember they aren’t bobcats, yetis, or any other form of mythological creature. 

I do want to leave you with one last picture before I head off, its of my new favorite cooking utensil.

I call it, “The Basher.”  Needless to say its an all-purpose tool.

After my nap I checked my trap.  No bait fish.  Guess I’ll have to wait a bit more.

What to do, what to do.  I have firewood.  Food for dinner is taken care of.  How about a walk?

Done.

Ok, how about a swim?

Done.

Christ.

The real dilemma of this adventure is not going to be food, at least right now.  That can always change, but  I can survive on a minimal amount, my body seems to be slowing down (or revolting).  I have mussels.  I have conch for the next few days if I space them out.  The true test is going to be the agonizingly long periods of time where I have nothing to do.  I can’t talk to my girlfriend, parents, friends or anyone else.  So what to do.  Seriously, what do I do????

Meet my new friend:

Yup, you guessed it.  He’s a dead turtle.  It appears I’ve found my Wilson.  No name yet, though I’ve been informally calling him Timmy.  Seems a bit trite though.

No joke the boredom may very well kill me by day 4.  One day of this and I’m already getting antsy.  I have 6 more days of this stupidity.  I don’t know if I can do it.

Combined with that is the one other thing I hadn’t counted on, the sun.  Its hot and I’m still white collar pasty.  I’m already a bit sunburned, so I’ve taken to wearing long sleeve clothes to cover up a bit.  If I get fully burned at any point, I’ll have to bail because it really is agonizingly hot out  

This really has become much harder than I thought, but for reasons I never expected.

A Piping Plover has nested on our beach.  Nice you say, perhaps the Barbarian can gets some eggs for breakfast.  Not unless I want a $10k fine.  Apparently the Plover is endangered and its eggs, plus nest, is considered hollowed ground.  Half the beach is fenced in while I can just sit and drool thinking of a Piping Plover egg sandwich.

Yummmm, endangered egg sandwich. 

After crushing up my manna from heaven, I threw them in the mummy trap hoping to catch some bait fish.  Then I noticed something, conch!  Like snails on steroids, I collected about 6 of them.  I figure 2 a day with some other nice goodies and I might have enough food to survive!  Huzzay!

And I found a goodie right away.  Not appetizing, not that meaty, not even good looking I managed to bag a spider crab, along with a smaller rock crab:

With this success I decided there was only one way to celebrate.  A nap.

The first thing I did today was simple.  I freaked out.  I looked at the door, and began to realize what I had gotten myself into.  God I’m a dumbass.

Thankfully the view is fantastic so that took my mind off of things for a bit.  Then I remembered that when I got bored of the scenery I couldn’t change it by changing the channel.  After freaking out a little more, I decided to follow the list I laid out earlier this morning.  That likely saved me from quitting right there and then.  While I tried to remember what bacon smelled like I put my tent up.  Despite early predictions it went up pretty easily, thank god, and there were no injuries to speak of.  

The tent in place I moved on to item two on my list, collect firewood.  This also went off without a hitch, as there is a ton of it around.  The surprising thing is when I’ve needed wood for past bonfires there is never any nearby, but that is because it’s both early in the season and I checked the roadsides instead of the beach.  Plenty there where trees have fallen.  This is going to be easy!!!

I can’t find mussels.  That’s not good.

The place where mussels usually are was completely barren.  Not a single mussel.  I began to panic.  Remembering what my grandfather had told me, I decided to check the marshy areas.  Looking straight across the inlet was plenty of reeds.  Seemed like a good place to check.  

Riding on a bike when it is in the high 80’s low 90’s is not fun.  I’ve been drinking water like a madman but can’t seem to get hydrated.  Combine that with being out of shape and starving and you can see I’m not riding the Tour de France anytime soon.  

Sadly it was for nought.  The reeds on the other side are private gated property, definitely made to keep out riff raff like me.  As I began biking in circles, exasperated as my failed luck, I made one last push.

Success!!!!  My week may be saved!

In the muddiest most disgusting marsh was a mussel bed and while it wasn’t winning awards for culinary excellence, it would do the trick.  I had mussels, all was right with the world:

Should I really be complaining?  Probably not.  

Also picked up some dandelions.  Those could come in handy.

Day one is drawing to a close, thank god.  There’s much to talk about, so I’m going to break it up into several posts.  

Well its now 8 am. I’m officially not allowed inside any buildings not made by my own hands. My wallet, keys, food, anything I would want or need are locked away in the house. I might be a bit panicked.  

I checked the weather during my few moments of civilized time before 8 am and I’m seeing two very different story lines.  The first (and I guess the better of the two) includes highs in the 80’s and low 90’s, and gets partly cloudy later on in the week leading into scattered thunderstorms.  That’s the weather I had been seeing all week.  The second now has rain early in the week, which gives me no time to set-up and get situated, or at least get my bearings.  If that’s the case then I am not going to be a happy Barbarian, not at all.      

Ok, only way to do this is list my short and long term goals and hope for the best. Likely this list will change as the week goes on, but it’ll help me organize myself.

Short term (daily) goals:

• Organize equipment
• Gather firewood
• Check for mussels
• Catch bait fish
• Fish
• Gather greens
• Scout out location as best as possible for alternate food sources.

Obviously I’ve put together some plan of attack in my head, and that entire strategy hinges on item #3, catching mussels.  Without them, its back to the drawing board, and a serious setback.  My chances for catching a fish change dramatically. 

Long Term Goals

• Stay hydrated
• Plan for how to deal with rain
• Stay well rested
• Keep mind sharp and occupied
• Kill a squirrel with a harpoon, then clean and cook
• Catch a seagull, clean and cook
• Collect earthworms and dry them.
• Don’t get sick
• Make note of potential food sources
• Mentally record the tides
• Remember to film and take pictures

So far that’s all I got.  If you have any other suggestions, feel free to lob them in.  I sure could use them.