Mary Sez: The Enemy Within
This is from my best friend and former roommate Mary:
The Barbarian (new unemployed and already incredibly bored) asked that I submit my thoughts as he prepares for the adventure.
When the Barbarian first ran this idea past me, I initially had issues with the endeavor taking place in the Hamptons. “The Hamptons” does not exactly conjure up images of people “roughing it” and the Barbarian’s home is no exception. After some thought, however, I realized that for a Guinea from the Bronx life without the “YES network,” running water, and chicken cutlets would be fairly traumatic.
The outcome of this is hotly debated, and wildly uncertain. Unfortunately, his past actions give us little to go on.
The Barbarian’s few endeavors into the wild have typically ended miserably. There was a day long fishing trip that resulted in zero fish, the Barbarian getting sick, and the car being hijacked. On another occasion in the woods of Michigan, the Barbarian contracted poison ivy so severe that he needed steroids…because he chased a frog into the woods. And then there’s always his cousin’s damn goat, which always ends in a fist fight between the two whenever they meet.
If the Barbarian can’t deal with a goat for a few hours, how can he survive in the wild for one week?
As the Barbarian’s roommate and good friend, I can attest to the lengths he will go for food, of any quality. I’ve been dragged to the Boulevard Diner at 3 AM for a bacon and cheese omelet, go on a dumpling tour in Chinatown in the middle of a snowstorm, enjoy Joe’s Pizza at 5 AM, and have been forced to watch him eat hot jalapeno cornmeal pancakes on a Sunday morning after drinking all night. I’ve seen him eat so much that people around him become physically sick.
Many have questioned if he can last an entire week without real food. I would venture that not only can he survive without real food, he’ll enjoy it. Sure, he might finish this a few pounds lighter, but he’ll genuinely enjoy gathering and preparing his own food. I’ve seen him eat most anything, and this week will surely be no exception.
The greatest threat to the Barbarian is not food, or willpower, but rather himself. The Barbarian will likely do something so outrageous, and stupid (i.e. Chris McCandless) that he’ll get himself into trouble and be forced to quit. If he can keep out of his own way (which has always been a challenge) he’ll make it.