The Hungry Barbarian

With the family coming today I decided that I needed to clean up a bit.  I’m probably not the most appetizing human you have ever met right now. I currently smell like one of my old Italian uncles, you know, the ones that haven’t yet realized that deodorant is more for my benefit than for theirs?  Either that or they could just care less, I could never figure out which.  

While this problem is easily solved, mouth care is a little more tricky; I could probably cut my breath with a butter knife. Anyone who knows me can attest to the face that I am a rabid gum chewer to keep my breath fresh (before that I was a wintergreen Altoids fanatic, until my dentist convinced me otherwise. No cavities for 20 yrs. I start eating Altoids, 5 of them. By the time I go back to get those cavities filled I had another two. In the middle of our discussion of how this could happen the can of ‘toids in m pocket fell out of my pocket.  ”How many of those do you eat?”  ”Uhhhh, a can or two a week.”  I had an addiction and there is no patch.  Here’s my new obsession: Trident Tropical Twist, I’ve never looked back.  But I digress.) 

Where was I?  Oh yea, teeth!  So the fact that I can taste my breath is driving me nuts.  While none of the survival guides I had read gave an help regarding the maintenance of one’s teeth (odd considering if your teeth go, how are you going to eat?  Puree everything?) so I’ve decided to improvise.  Here is the Barbarian’s halfassed survival cure for teeth care.

First find a pine cone, like so:

Because there are cobwebs and any number of foul little surprises in there, its time for the barbarian’s cure all, soaking it:

Make sure to weigh it down, otherwise, like all wood, it will float defeating the whole purpose of soaking it.  I would boil it, but that might soften it too much for my purpose.

Now brush:

Don’t forget to brush your tongue next:

Wise words because I did:

 Ahhhh, the things we do to make ourselves beautiful….or in my case palatable.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 13th, 2008 at 1:38 pm and is filed under Day 4. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.