The Hungry Barbarian

I think I might be in an active state of denial for this grand adventure. Am I really going to be starving myself next week? Are people really betting on me? Should I bet against myself? This whole thing has a very dreamlike quality to it, as I don’t really feel like I’m doing it.

The problem is I really don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Sure I can fry chicken cutlets with the best of them. Need someone to lead a Yankee cheer? I’ve yelled so loud the infamous Bleacher Creatures have cursed my name (actually happened). But play survivor for a week? Not a damn chance.

I’m torn between thinking this is going to be as easy as some say it will be (not likely) or so hard I might actually think of quitting. More worrisome is that my body might quit long before I ever do. My stomach might give me the royal “F* you” and decide to collapse until I give in.

Is this the first sign of me getting nervous? Maybe, because I know that while I really can quit at any time, the bigger problem is that I’m not going to. I’m a big dumb ox. That’s why I’m actually making this a big deal. Hopefully I’m smart enough to quit before I get really sick, irreparably so. The runs might be the least of my worries. How much mercury can kill you?

Even now my brain seems to be in an active state of denial. Every time I try to start planning what I should do, its like my brain freezes me out. I get a shiver and my head goes blank. That could just be my sodium levels giving me another stroke from all my recent carb loading, but I’d like to think its my brain’s fight or flight mechanism kicking in. Likely its saying you either flee or it’s going to black out; fighting is a distant third.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 6th, 2008 at 11:11 am and is filed under Prelude. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.