This Sucks
I’m cold, everything is wet, the wind is whipping the tent around and it looks like I’m going to be spending most of my day in a 4×6 tent. Needless to say I am not happy about the world.
This would be a hell of a lot better if I got a decent night’s sleep, but I didn’t. My night can be broken down into 3 phases, which got progressively worse. It’s like my own little house of horrors, maybe I can sell it to Disney as a new ride for one of their theme parks
Phase 1 - The Cricket
Sure crickets are nice to hear at night, they really set the scene nicely. When you’re in a tent and one in on the other side of a thin nylon wall chattering constantly, murder is the only thing on the mind. Likely it was getting back at me for noshing on some of its buddies back in the day.
I promised myself two things as I stared at the ceiling with my eyes wide open:
- If I ever got my hands on that little bastard, I was going to roast and eat him. Thorax, eyes, abdomen everything, but especially the legs which is how they chirp. I was going to enjoy him like no other meal. It would be revenge eating.
- First thing I was doing when I got back was buying a jumbo pack of Crickettes. Oh, his kind was going to pay for his transgression, likely in bacon and cheddar. That’ll teach him to mess with me.
Seriously, I hear him now. Doesn’t he ever sleep??????
Phase 2 - The Sprinklers
I didn’t think much of the at the time, they were parting words from my mother. They were nothing but an afterthought, but now they haunt my dreams. ”Hey, let me know if the sprinklers go on.”
If I had known then, what I know now, my life would be much different. Simply, I would not have left the bug flaps (which let the breeze get in and keep the bugs out) open.
When the first burst of water slammed into my face, I was confused more than anything else. Rain? No, I had the rain guard on. But a rain guard can only protect you against water than falls down (or at an angle), not water that is sprayed directly sideways into your face. After the second burst left me gasping for air, I jumped up and closed all the flaps.
But there was no chance of getting back to sleep as every time the water sprayed the tent it sounded like my head was in a drum while this was being played.
Phase 3- The Wind
Imagine yourself in a lighthouse on a high bluff overlooking the ocean. Imagine the wind whipping past, and rattling windows, doors and anything not nailed down. Now imagine you’re in a tent. Finally imagine you’re me.
Thankfully I had staked my tent down before I went to bed, but that didn’t mean the walls (or is it sides? Walls connotes something sturdy in my mind) weren’t going to move…right into the side of my head.
I rearranged everything to all 4 corners to at least make the place more stable; I’m going to be dealing with this for the next day at least, so I better get used to it.
Well hope all is well in civilized society. I hope I can get a fire going so I can have some pine needle tea. Otherwise its going to be a bitter bitter day.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:42 am
If I were you I’d quit now and go grab some French toast and bacon. 6 more days??? Looking forward to seeing you then! Better luck, Barbarian!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:51 am
You’re doing much better than i would have thought, though no shock boredom is your main concern. Also, nice fire in the copper pit. Is this roughing it martha stewart style???
See you on the 20th! or 21st! Not sure yet!
June 11th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Good Morning Sunshine!
Sounds like you faired quite well last night despite it all. You’re looking at a perfectly clear 80 degree day today. Enjoy it!
If you want to start a crusade against crickets - i’m with you.
I also feel as though I should share with you, that I think the vast majority of people following this fiasco are literally checking in every 20 minutes to see if you have written anything. We’re all enthralled.
Just wanted to let you know that.
-Danny
June 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am
This blog is F’in HILARIOUS!
i am following intently from my air conditioned cubicle! lol…
suggestion for you tho… get some rocks and make some sort of game of throwing them into ot at something for a score …it will keep your mind on something…
oh yea why did u set up near sprinklers thats kinda silly…and if u can, but i guess its too late at this point turn them off… but heres a trick you can use… they will not turn on if it rains because somewhere there is most likely a rain sensor, but its basically a cork pad that soaks up water and tells the system not to fire up when its wet …so find that bad boy and keep him wet and that should solve your sprinkler problem…
June 11th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Barbarian: Get over it.
Kidding.
Hey would you mind time-stamping your blog entries so we can see when you’re writing (as opposed to just the date)? Thanks kid.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:41 am
mmmmm. man. those sour cream and onion crickets look awesome. I think i’m gonna’ order some. Something to munch on while I watch (or read about) you chewing on conch tire.
June 11th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
i hope you killed that damn cricket by now. i would spend the entired day hunting it.
also, one of the people i work with brought in homemade chocolate covered cashews…delicious. now you can amuse your self for a few hours by plotting your revenge against me for this post, and the one about Fenway.
i’d tell you how the Yankees did, but i want to leave you hanging. all i will say is they played, and Wang pitched….
June 11th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I can’t believe you gave up doing the morning clips for this…
I think the cricket and wind were Mother Nature’s revenge for all the poor trees that had to die to support your print-out-everything-I-find-on-Factiva habit…
Keep on keepin’ on.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Just thought you might want to know that the sprinklers go on every night. When I encouraged you to eat fresh foods and take some time to relax, you shouldn’t have taken me too literally. xoxo
June 11th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
I tried to write Geoff’s testimony, it could never be as witty as yours. Maybe you could write it to beat your moments of boredom.
If you feel this is becoming too much, its ok to take a hike (not to be taken seriously) … love ya
June 11th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
the question is barbarian….is it worse than spiderman3 yet? if it gets that far call in the coast guard to save you.
June 16th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Hi 20 more hours to go to freedom and FOOD. I must say you are more disciplined and determined than anyone I know. Anyway we are proud of the foolishness you accomplished and I hope your stomach and intestines get back to normal.A GOOD dinner is awaiting you xoxooxoxo Grandma
June 16th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
sorry this comment is for June 16th